


young love

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/M, Homestuck - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-30
Updated: 2012-05-30
Packaged: 2017-11-06 08:39:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/416917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He began to talk to you more often, and he was more sincere, you could tell that. You still spoke to AR, but that year — when the world might have ended, when the Batterwitch might have won, when hearts were broken and hands were held — you grew up. You came to realize that AR was, is, and always will be a thirteen-year-old Dirk — which for once you could agree with Jake was more annoying than ever. Because he was faker than the Dirk now, the Dirk who still joked around ironically but not nearly as often (not with you, anyways), the Dirk who didn’t argue with you (it was only teasing, a gentle tease at that), the Dirk who was still trying to pull himself out of depression. The Dirk you were falling in love with.</p>
            </blockquote>





	young love

**Author's Note:**

> Something of a test run, written for a friend over on tumblr. Tumblr link for the fic can be found [here](http://bathelie.tumblr.com/tagged/!younglove/chrono).

**== > Roxy: Lament.**

_It's been three years_.

You are eighteen years old, and it's been three years. Three years since you, somehow, convinced your friends to not play that stupid game the Batterwitch had been trying to lure you into. Three years since you all lost contact with that alien, three years since Jane and Jake finally got off of their asses and confessed their feelings to each other, thanks to yours truly.

Three years since Dirk's heart was, inevitably, broken.

You couldn't shrug the blame away. You'd been nudging them towards each other, for the sake of their own feelings (you refused to admit that you were being selfish), for the sake of simplicity. You had watched, long and hard, as your close friend suffered through the consequences of his ~~love~~ crush. You watched the downfall, the heartache, the pit, and the rebirth of Dirk Strider, a martini in hand every step of the way.

At first, he hadn't come to you for support. He still didn't expect for you to already know, unknowing of the auto-responder's betrayal of his innermost feelings. But you knew he was festering. You knew it was eating away at him, slowly stripping away layer by layer until nothing was left but the tender core.

When he suddenly came to you in the middle of the night, asking you this that and the other ("why did it have to be this way, why couldn't I have made my move sooner?") and trying to lean on you for support, thinking you were just a drunk girl who didn't understand.

But then you tried to comfort him, and somehow (perhaps in his despair, perhaps in his rare moment of unironic clarity), he accepted the help.

Thus began the long descent of your own fall.

You two had already, of course, been as close as possible without spitting in each others' faces (you loved him, you knew that, perhaps as a sibling or something more, but he was absolutely _unbearable_ sometimes), but this brought you closer. Against all odds, against the unestablished love-hate sibling relationship you two seemed to be engaged in, you grew closer.

He began to talk to you more often, and he was more sincere, you could tell that. You still spoke to AR, but that year -- when the world might have ended, when the Batterwitch might have won, when hearts were broken and hands were held -- you grew up. You came to realize that AR was, is, and always will be a thirteen-year-old Dirk -- which for once you could agree with Jake was more annoying than ever. Because he was faker than the Dirk now, the Dirk who still joked around ironically but not nearly as often (not with you, anyways), the Dirk who didn't argue with you (it was only teasing, a gentle tease at that), the Dirk who was still trying to pull himself out of depression. The Dirk you were falling in love with.

...Shit.

_You were falling in love with him._

And three years later, you sat at your computer at the ripe age of eighteen, bloody mary in hand.

You were falling in love with Dirk Strider.

Your hand was shaking, you couldn't remember for the life of you what you had been doing just a moment ago, because you had a lapse of memory and then you realized that you were actually falling in love with someone.

You glanced at the drink on your hand, undrained, and tried to blame it on the alcohol you had been consuming most of the night, destroying your liver.

But the aching in your chest said otherwise.

It's four o'clock in the morning and you're falling in love with fucking Dirk Strider.

You stand up, leaving your drink at it's place beside the sticky keyboard, and stumble over your feet as you pad your way to the window. You need some fresh air. Badly.

You've been in a rut for a long time. Can you say how long? No, considering the fact that ninety-five percent of that time you were drunk off your ass, trying to bury the feelings. But it seems like three years is enough for those feelings to fester and break through your own ironic barrier of protection, and overlap even the most intoxicating of alcohols.

This is something you need to fix. Dirk is your confidant, your best friend, as close to a brother as you could get. He is the one person who knew the most about you -- in fact, he knows everything there is to know; well, everything that you didn't keep locked away in that iron sanctum of a heart.

Halfway to the window, you pause as you notice one of the many acceptance letters you had received from colleges and universities all around the world. It was one of the few you had bothered to look at; all you really had skimmed over was that it was close to home, it wasn't something out of your price range (nothing was out of your price range, your 'mother' was a fucking billionaire), and it had plenty of science-y majors. Reasonable.

One of the many good sides about having been homeschooled over a website on the internet (other than meeting your wonderful, wonderful friends) was that it was easier to get into the records, easier to hack and keep perfect grades, easier to cheat. Really, if you could break into the Batterwitch's main frame at fifteen, by now you were _unstoppable_.

You continued walking, leaving the letter where it sat, on your dresser.

A few moments later, you're sitting on your bed with your head outside your window, letting the cool, crisp night air bite your skin. Even though it's snowing outside, you like to keep your window open, considering how you usually stay up so late on a regular basis. Not to mention that nowadays you need more than alcohol to keep you motivated to stay up.

You close your eyes and try to wipe away your confused thoughts of Strider with your only lingering remembrance of your daughter.

It had only been once, but after a rather sudden fit of falling asleep on your giant pile of stuffed animals, you could have sworn you saw your daughter. That was the only time, however, because then you halted the playing of the Batterbitch's little game, and that was that. You returned to blissfully blank dreams of the void.

You can hear the beeping of someone pestering you on your laptop, but you ignore it. The sun would be rising soon and hell if you were going to miss it. Besides, who the hell else was going to be up at this time of night? Not Dirk -- you made sure to put him to sleep hours ago. He seemed to listen to you nowadays when you told him to do things that were healthy for him, which was admittedly surprising, but you knew it was just his coping mechanism. He could either listen to simple commands to keep himself going or lose himself in his depression.

You lean against your arm, relishing in the feel of the cold metal against your skin.

It was three o'clock in the afternoon when you woke up again, the cold numbing your entire body, and you shiver yourself away from the metal, gathering your blankets around you and closing the window.

By now, your computer is going haywire -- apparently you were a popular woman to pester today. You didn't want to bother going over to check, however. You could already feel the cold coming on, and you'd already missed the sunrise -- the kiddies could wait awhile.

It took you a few blank moments to realize that you needed a drink. Very badly.

Begrudgingly, you rose up again, taking the martini you'd abandoned the night before and downing it (olive and all) before grabbing another bottle from your store underneath your computer desk and refilling your glass, settling down in the chair.

Looks like all of your good ol' friends were in need of your assistance. You hovered your mouse over to the first one, where Jake had requested your presence three hours ago.

> **golgothasTerror [GT]** began pestering **tipsyGnostalgic [TG]**
> 
> **GT:** Lalonde! Dear old chap i really do need your help right around now.  
>  **GT:** It appears as though jane and i have encountered a bit of a rut in our relationship.  
>  **GT:** *Pats brow with handkerchief.*  
>  **GT:** Being the one who gave me the advice to chase after her in the first place you were the first person to come to my mind.  
>  **GT:** So do tell me what i am supposed to do lalonde!  
>  **GT:** I honestly dont want to lose jane and i care about her quite a bit.  
>  **TG:** heyyyyy  
>  **GT:** Lalonde!  
>  **TG:** hehe tgats me  
>  **TG:** *thyts  
>  **TG:** **THATS lol  
>  **GT:** Im assuming you read my earlier messages?  
>  **TG:** well duh  
>  **TG:** i totes wouldnt abandon my gopd ol chapperz ;)  
>  **TG:** so now then jakey  
>  **TG:** tell me about all ur relationshippy problemz  
>  **TG:** *reddies the faintin couch  
>  **TG:** **readues  
>  **TG:** ***i  
>  **GT:** Ahem. Well i suppose i might as well tell you everything correct?  
>  **TG:** tats the idea  
>  **GT:** Jane has decided for some reason that she would like a break from my company.  
>  **GT:** I dont know why but i believe shes gotten it in her head that i am not faithful!  
>  **GT:** And quite frankly this slightly offends me considering the fact that i would never ever be unfaithful to her!  
>  **TG:** hmm hmmmm keep going  
>  **GT:** In fact recently i was considering colleges and one of the colleges whom accepted me also happened to be a university jane had informed me had accepted her as well!  
>  **TG:** hoooly shiet jake  
>  **TG:** well u better take the INITITIATIVE and get ur islander behind over der to get ur girl!!!  
>  **GT:** Yes exactly!!!  
>  **GT:** But just a few hours ago she suddenly told me she wanted a break.  
>  **GT:** Lalonde i dont know what to do. I do believe ive made a real hash of things and i dont know how to fix it!  
>  **GT:** *Loosens collar a bit.*  
>  **TG:** i knoowoww jakey  
>  **TG:** thats what im here for ;)  
>  **TG:** sooooo  
>  **TG:** im assumin this means u want me 2 talk 2 her?  
>  **GT:** It would be greatly appreciated.  
>  **TG:** im rite on it then!!!  
>  **TG:** macho match makier lalonde 2 the rescue ;)  
>  **GT:** You really are a good mate lalonde.  
>  **GT:** I cant be completely sure where jane and i would be at this point without your fantastic help!  
>  **TG:** probly still pinin after each otherrr  
>  **TG:** p much all alone ;)

Actually, you had a pretty good idea otherwise.

> **GT:** Well alls well ends well!  
>  **GT:** Ill leave you to your deeds then.  
>  **GT:** Cheers!
> 
> **golgothasTerror [GT]** ceased pestering **tipsyGnostalgic [TG]**

You sighed into your drink, not amused by this conversation at all. If Jane was giving up Jake, then something was either terribly wrong or that girl had something up that tightass sleeve of hers. You click over to the next chat window.

> **gutsyGumshoe [GG]** began pestering **tipsyGnostalgic [TG]**
> 
> **GG:** Hoo hoo!  
>  **GG:** I know it's rather late at night, but I'm hoping you might be available for a chat.  
>  **GG:** ...  
>  **GG:** Well, considering that it's four o'clock over there in the big city, I should have realized you would be asleep.  
>  **GG:** But I'll leave you with the information that I believe I'll be breaking up with Jake.  
>  **GG:** It isn't your fault! It's just that some circumstances recently caused me to question our relationship.  
>  **GG:** It isn't his fault, either, but for now I just need to think things over.  
>  **GG:** I'm sure by the time you get this information, the deed will be done.  
>  **GG:** But just in case, at least you'll know what happened from my own mouth! Hoo hoo. :B
> 
> **gutsyGumshoe [GG]** ceased pestering **tipsyGnostalgic [TG]**

You raise an eyebrow at the leftover messages -- if your girl was having doubts, then you needed to fix that.

After all, you didn't go through hell and break Dirk's heart so that Jake could get dumped by the girl of his dreams. And vice versa.

> **tipsyGnostalgic [TG]** began pestering **gutsyGumshoe [GG]**
> 
> **TG:** jane  
>  **TG:** janeyyyyy  
>  **TG:** lady crocker i need ur attentition  
>  **TG:** SOS TO THE CROCKER  
>  **GG:** My, my, Lalonde, you sure are feisty today.  
>  **TG:** 4 good reason  
>  **TG:** you cant break up w jake!!!  
>  **TG:** ur breakin the lalonde code rite about now janey  
>  **GG:** The what?  
>  **TG:** THE LOLONDE CODE  
>  **TG:** its rude to undo anythin that i do did you know that???  
>  **GG:** I would think you would support me in my decision.  
>  **TG:** well we R bffesies 5ever jane but  
>  **TG:** you knoe i went through hell to get you 2 together  
>  **TG:** *w  
>  **TG:** ur srsly going to unravel ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL my hard work  
>  **TG:** alert to the crocker it DOESNT work like that!!  
>  **GG:** Regardless of your hard work, remember, it's also my relationship.  
>  **GG:** I'll take the responsibilities for my own actions. :B  
>  **TG:** dont act so fucking cheery hoo hoo tightass bullshit right now jane  
>  **TG:** im actually being serious for once!!!!!!  
>  **GG:** Oh?  
>  **TG:** you remebmer that one night when you gave me full credz on w.e i said???  
>  **TG:** you need 2 believe me on this jane this si not a good plan  
>  **TG:** its gonna end with the 2 of you lonely in the dickenry ditches of singleness  
>  **TG:** and mama lolonde over here aint gonna help you find another man of ur dreams  
>  **TG:** its a onse in a lifetime offer n you already used yours jane  
>  **TG:** bffsies or not matchmakin is NOT easy and i alreddy broke one persons heart getting you two together!!!  
>  **GG:** Say what?  
>  **TG:** nothing  
>  **TG:** look janey this is the point im trying to make here  
>  **TG:** DONT BREAK UP W JAKE  
>  **TG:** end of story or youll find urself at end game missy  
>  **GG:** Alright, assuming that I'll go along with this 'getting back together with Jake' business, ignoring my own reasons entirely for doing the deed:  
>  **GG:** Why is it so important? If I may ask. :B  
>  **TG:** once again alertzies to crocker ur breaking jakeys heart  
>  **TG:** if you hadnt noticed jane HES IN LOVE W YOU  
>  **GG:** ...  
>  **TG:** gog fucking dammnit jane  
>  **TG:** *dog  
>  **TG:** **god  
>  **TG:** three weeks ago u were head over fuckin crocker heels in love with him  
>  **TG:** what the hell happened????  >:?  
>  **GG:** Trust me, Lalonde, I am still fully in love with Jake!  
>  **GG:** Fully and whole-heartedly.  
>  **GG:** But right now I need to keep my priorities in check.  
>  **GG:** Namely, the business I'm going to be taking over soon.

...Fuck.

> **TG:** shit  
>  **TG:** shit shietihsitshithshitshit  
>  **TG:** ur wearin that fuckin tiara shit again arent you  
>  **TG:** what did i tell you jane that goddamn thing is BREAINWASHING YOU!!!!! *BRAIN WASSHING  
>  **TG:** **BRAIN WHAT THE FUKC EVER  
>  **GG:** It is doing no such thing!  
>  **TG:** thats the fuckin batterbitch talking  
>  **TG:** im your BEST FRIEND you need 2 listen to me on this  
>  **TG:** take  
>  **TG:** the  
>  **TG:** fuckin  
>  **TG:** crockertech  
>  **TG:** offa that pretty lil head of yours  
>  **TG:** youve got atleast trhree years of college ahead o you janey  
>  **TG:** even b4 you make the decision of takin over the company or not  
>  **TG:** in fact im p sure you can take as long as you fuckin want to make the decisission  
>  **TG:** *decsision  
>  **TG:** **decisionnnn

This conversation was making you frustrated, and you'd already emptied half of the bottle without even noticing. You shakily sat back, calmed yourself, and waited for a reply. For once you weren't relishing for the drunken state that vodka gracefully gave you on a silver platter.

> GG: Well, I'm sorry Lalonde, but I'm starting to question the credibility of our 'friendship'.  
>  **TG:** WAHT  
>  **GG:** I don't even know your name.  
>  **GG:** You only seem to be intent on hooking me up with a man and then leave me to my own devices.  
>  **GG:** You're highly against the glorious company in which I will inherit in only a few short years, which is offensive to my Crocker name.  
>  **GG:** And the amount of alcohol I'm more than sure you consume on an hourly basis is more than enough to confuse your feelings and make you think you care about me.  
>  **GG:** Do you, Lalonde?  
>  **GG:** Do you really?  
>  **GG:** Or are you, as I have suspected, just in this entire self-created fiasco for your own gain?  
>  **TG:** jane stop plz  
>  **TG:** litsen to your fuckin self

Those weren't the beginnings of tears in your eyes.

> **TG:** i am and alawsy will be your bessttttt friiieeeendddd janey  
>  **TG:** jane are you even there  
>  **TG:** my names roxy  
>  **TG:** i dont even fuckin care anymore  
>  **TG:** jaen  
>  **TG:** *jane  
>  **TG:** **plz be there

Those weren't tears rolling down your face.

> **TG:** janey if ur even there  
>  **TG:** take off the tiarta  
>  **TG:** *tira  
>  **TG:** **fucking god dmanit tiaria  
>  **TG:** ***fUCK  
>  **TG:** please just do it 4 me  
>  **TG:** im your best friend roxy lalonde here trying to make you listen to me  
>  **TG:** tjat thing is jus the batterwithc talkin in ur head  
>  **GG:** Fine.  
>  **TG:** ???  
>  **GG:** I'll take it off.  
>  **GG:** I've been wearing it for a week straight, perhaps you're right.  
>  **GG:** Perhaps wearing it for this long is starting to get to me.  
>  **TG:** yes good  
>  **TG:** take the fuckin batterbitchs conrtol device offa ur head

You sit quietly, wiping away your tears with sticky fingers, your eyes stinging with the close proximity of alcohol.

> **GG:** There, it's off.  
>  **TG:** good  
>  **TG:** id tell u to throw that shit in the fuckin trash but i know youd be upset  
>  **TG:** crocker heirfreakinloom and al  
>  **GG:** Well, you were right about one thing, Lalonde.  
>  **GG:** ...Roxy.  
>  **TG:** tats my nameeee  
>  **GG:** That thing was giving me a headache.  
>  **GG:** Maybe you were right.  
>  **TG:** janeeeyyy havent you learned this by nowww  
>  **TG:** mama roxy is always right ;)

The tears are still flowing, but not as harshly. Thank god that was only for a few minutes -- the scare that had given you had been so hard that you had literally choked on air, and downing another good gulp of alcohol. Fuck sipping the vodka thoughtfully, you wanted to get _drunk._ You could already tell this was going to be a long, long, long day.

> **GG:** I apologize, Roxy.  
>  **GG:** I really wasn't right in the head just a few minutes ago.  
>  **GG:** Or really at all, lately.  
>  **GG:** I seriously need to start taking your advice into more serious consideration.  
>  **GG:** Anyways, I need to go talk to Jake before he does something drastic out of worry.  
>  **TG:** nah no wories i already talked 2 him  
>  **GG:** Oh?  
>  **TG:** yah he came to me earlier askin wtf was going on  
>  **TG:** i made sure he wouldnt do anything drastic at least but then i got ur MESSAGE  
>  **TG:** jfc jane  
>  **TG:** u need to stop giving me these scares  >;( >;( >;(  
>  **GG:** Again, I'm sorry.  
>  **TG:** u better be  
>  **TG:** now go get your man back!!!  
>  **TG:** and get those GROOOOVVYYY fiesista cuffs on ;)  
>  **GG:** Alright, alright, I'm going! :B  
>  **GG:** But first I'll be getting myself a beverage.  
>  **GG:** Possibly apple juice. Boy, do I love apple juice.  
>  **GG:** But I promise, Roxy, I'll fix this mess right away!  
>  **TG:** good  
>  **GG:** I'll talk to you later?  
>  **TG:** y the fuck is it even a question jane  
>  **TG:** of course  
>  **GG:** ...Right, hoo hoo. :B  
>  **GG:** I'll see you later then.  
>  **TG:** toodles
> 
> **tipsyGnostalgic [TG]** ceased pestering **gutsyGumshoe [GG]**

You lean back further in your chair, having drained the bottle. The tears have stopped flowing, you aren't shaking anymore, and you think you're ready to take on Dirk and all of his depressed bullshit glory.

You click over to his pesterlog window.

> **timaeusTestified [TT]** began pestering **tipsyGnostalgic [TG]**
> 
> **TT:** Roxy.  
>  **TT:** Are you awake?  
>  **TT:** Hell, I doubt it.  
>  **TT:** Probably passed out in your observatory more likely than not.  
>  **TT:** Just hit me up when you get back to the land of the living.
> 
> **timaeusTestified [TT]** ceased pestering **tipsyGnostalgic [TG]**

You click the button to start a new chat.

> **tipsyGnostalgic [TG]** began pestering **timaeusTestified [TT]**
> 
> **TG:** heeeeeeeyoooooooooooooooo  
>  **TG:** dik  
>  **TG:** *dick  
>  **TG:** **dirk lol  
>  **TT:** Ah, there you are.  
>  **TG:** u needed my assissitiance  
>  **TT:** Yes. Well, no.  
>  **TT:** Yes and no.  
>  **TG:** hmmmmmmmmm  
>  **TG:** dirk your sounding supspicially nervous 4 some reason  >;)  
>  **TT:** Ahem. Not necessarily nervous. More along the lines of excited.  
>  **TG:** oooooooooohhhhhhhh?????  
>  **TT:** I'm coming to New York, Roxy.

The empty bottle shatters as it drops from your hands and against the floor.


End file.
